by Alycia Morales | Aug 14, 2020 | Homemaking, Organizing
When my kids were younger, I was a morning person and could jump out of bed as early as 4:00 a.m. Nowadays, I drag myself out of bed at 6:00 a.m. after hitting snooze twice. I’m no longer a morning person. Here are some tips and tricks I’ve discovered that make the mornings easier to manage.
Before You Go To Bed
1. Make sure your dishes are finished.
When I wake up to a dirty kitchen, my first thought is I already have work to do today. It tires my mind before it has a chance to wake up, let alone begin processing the day. When I wake up to a clean kitchen, I know I can start my day without having to clean first. Waking up to a clean kitchen relieves stress.
2. Set your coffee pot.
If you have an automatic pot, set the timer. If not, set up the pot so that all you have to do in the morning is push the start button.
3. Check your calendar for the next day.
What appointments do you have? What calls do you need to make? What errands need to be run? By checking your calendar, you know what to expect. And it allows you to be prepared for any surprises that may surface.
4.Prioritize your tomorrow.
Now that you’ve checked your schedule, what order will you complete things so that you are best managing your time? Is there anything on your to-do list that can wait if you need it to? Is there anything you need to accomplish that wasn’t on your list? Plan your day the night before so that you can prioritize what is necessary, what can wait, and what isn’t necessary at all.
5. Set out what you, your spouse, and your children need for the next day.
This helps to avoid the last-minute “Where are my socks?” and “Where are my keys?” It also teaches our children how to keep track of their belongings and the important things they’ll need throughout the day, such as their homework or instrument. Avoid the chaos and frustrations that come with not knowing where things are and trying to find them last-minute.
6. Sign paperwork that needs to be signed and turned in.
Field trips, permission slips, report cards, etc. Then put them in the appropriate places so that they go to school and get turned in the next day.
7. Schedule lights out and quiet time.
If you start this routine when your kids are young, it’ll be easier to maintain when they are older. Mine are teens and young adults, and because we got out of routine while “staying at home” earlier this year, we’re still trying to get back into it. This week, I had to set lights out and quiet time for 10:00 p.m. because a couple of them want to stay up later and play video games with headsets and microphones on, keeping others awake when they need sleep. Getting plenty of sleep helps to reduce stress.
In the Morning
8. Set your alarm for at least 15 minutes earlier than everyone else’s.
Give yourself 15 minutes of peace and quiet and time to reflect before everyone else wakes up. This can affect your entire day in a positive manner.
Things you can do in that 15 minutes:
– Read the Bible
– Pray
– Deep Breathing
– Drink a Cup of Coffee
– Take a Picture of the Sunrise
– Meditate
– Let the Dogs Out
9. Wake your kids.
This may sound obvious, but what may not be obvious is that you, the mother of the house, the wife of your husband, set the tone and mood of the day for everyone. If you are grumpy, they will be grumpy. If you are happy, they may become happy even if they wake up grumpy (or they may not, but at least you didn’t let their grumpiness affect your joy). So use your softest, happiest mom voice and wish everyone a good morning.
Keep in mind which kids don’t mind being tickled or gently nudged to get them to wake up and which don’t. An otherwise happy morning kid may become a grump if you nudge them out of bed. Know your kids. Limit everyone’s stress levels.
10. Set timers and a routine.
If you have multiple kids and limited bathrooms, you can imagine how handy this tip could become. Give each child a set time for the bathroom. It may seem natural that girls would take more time than boys because of makeup routines and hair styles, but this isn’t necessarily the case. My husband takes far longer than me to get ready in the morning. And some boys take after their dads. Set a timer for each child as they enter the bathroom. Give them that long to shower, brush their teeth, and primp.
What About Packing Lunches?
There are two ways to handle packing lunches. You could make them the night before, but then the sandwich will be soggy. Who likes a soggy sandwich? Not me! You could make them in the morning, but that takes a chunk of time out of an already busy part of the day. Here’s my best lunch-packing tip:
Pack the entire lunch except the sandwich the night before. In the morning, make the sandwiches and add them to the lunchboxes/bags. This way, you aren’t spending your entire morning packing lunch, and the sandwiches aren’t soggy. Win-Win.
Not every morning will be perfect, but by adding these tips to your morning routines, those imperfect mornings will likely be fewer and farther between.
Mama, what tips would you add? We love your fellowship! Please leave a comment below.
by Alycia Morales | May 27, 2020 | Homemaking
Running errands with kids can be challenging. When our kids are infants and toddlers, we pack those diaper bags full and head out to do our shopping, run our errands, and go to all those appointments. After a short couple of hours, we feel like our school-aged children must after a day of lugging around those book-laden backpacks. Between baby and bag, our neck is kinked, our shoulders are aching, and our backs and hips are just done.
Just like we can’t wait for the days we no longer have to change diapers, we look forward to the days we don’t have to lug around those diaper bags.
Mama, I’m here to tell you…
There are some things you will never stop taking with you when you are running errands with your kiddos in tow.
I call these The Essentials.
You never know what a day holds. Don’t venture out without proper preparation.
The Word of God
“Your word I have hidden in my heart,
That I might not sin against You.
I will meditate on Your precepts,
And contemplate Your ways.
I will delight myself in Your statutes;
I will not forget Your word” (Psalm 119:11, 15-16, NKJV).
When everything that could possibly go wrong in a day happens, you’ll find peace that passes all understanding and refreshment finer than that Starbucks cold brew in the Word of God.
When my kids were little, I traveled with my Bible in my purse or the diaper bag. I’m dating myself, but we didn’t have cell phones with Bible apps yet. Nowadays, I rely on YouVersion to keep the Word a swipe away.
Another reason to keep the Word with you? Kids ask all sorts of questions. God provides plenty of perfect answers. We just need to search the keywords and pull up the Scriptures. The older my kids get, the more I turn to the Bible in my responses. I have God’s Word hidden in my heart, but when I’m in the middle of trying to check out and the doctor’s office is on the phone and the little one is trying to grab candy bars while the middle child is asking serious life questions, I need a little help remembering the verses that are on the tip of my tongue.
You don’t even need to have the entire Bible with you. Check out this post for more ideas on how to carry God’s Word with you when you’re running errands.
Love, Patience, and Self-control
Hey Alycia, that’s three things.
You’re right.
I shop at Walmart. It’s a one-stop shop that has saved me a ton of precious time throughout my child-rearing days. I can buy my groceries, pick up new socks, and buy birthday party presents all at the same place.
I’m not sure why they call it the “terrible twos.” All of my kids didn’t hit “terrible” until they were three or four. And then it lasted until they were nine-ish. Let’s be honest. Most kids go through a bratty stage where you just want to lock them in their room until their attitude adjusts. It’s a time of learning in their lives. Learning that they can tie their shoes and blow their noses without Mom’s help. That they don’t need that piece of candy or that shiny new toy every time they pass it in the store.
It’s the time when every mother is tempted to throw a temper tantrum on aisle three to prove a point to the six-year-old who is screaming at the top of his lungs because Mom wouldn’t let him get the bag of snacks he begged for.
But there’s proving a point and losing control – and a BIG difference between the two.
Have you ever been running errands when a nearby mother totally snaps and lights into her kid in the middle of the store? I always feel bad for the kid.
Mama, you’re the adult.
If your patience is running frustration-stuck-in-your-throat-about-to-explode low, it’s time to punt on grocery shopping and head somewhere else. Home. To the park. To get ice cream. Somewhere other than the point of frustration.
Which is why I said we need to take along love, patience, and self-control.
Kids don’t know any better. Or maybe they do, and they just want to test the boundaries you’ve put in place. It’s what they do. And we, as Moms, should expect that. It shouldn’t surprise us. Nor should it trigger us.
When little Suzie is fussing, be proactive in love. Remind her that we don’t behave that way. Let her know that her actions (or reactions) will have consequences she won’t like.
Keep kindness on your tongue. Speak gently and use words that will affirm your love but not her behavior. You don’t want to react with spiteful words that will injure your child’s spirit. You don’t want to call Suzie a brat. You want to point out that her reaction to “No” or “Stop that” is unacceptable.
Maintain self-control. Most of us hate it when people stare at us for disciplining our children in public. Take Suzie out of the cart, grab your purse, and head for the car. Discipline her there. If she stops, go back to your cart (buggy, if you’re Southern) and finish shopping. If she doesn’t finish, take her home and put her down for a nap. Leave running errands for after your husband gets home and can keep the kids home while you shop in peace.
Which leads to number five.
Food and Drink
It’s Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs 101.
Most of the time, kids act out because a basic need isn’t being met. If you’ve got younger kids, it’s likely they are hungry, thirsty, tired, or some combination of these. Taking your first grader grocery shopping for two hours after they’ve gotten out of a full day of school is not the wisest decision. It’s snack and unwind time.
After my youngest outgrew the need for a diaper bag’s worth of stuff, I continued to make certain I had snacks and drinks on hand if we were running errands for any length of time.
It’s okay to pop open a box of CapriSun or a bottle of water and a bag of Goldfish or a single-serve bag of Doritoes when Johnny gets hungry while you’re shopping. Just remember to scan them when you get to the register. Shoppers and workers alike will prefer Johnny’s content while you shop over him screaming through the store because he’s hungry and you’re too busy trying to finish running errands.
Don’t forget your sense of humor.
I know I turned bright red the day I took my three-year-old son with me to CVS, put him in the seat of the shopping cart, and proceeded to shop when he reached out and squeezed my boob while telling me the name of my body part loudly enough for everyone within three aisles of me to hear him.
Kids have no filter. They will say and do all sorts of crazy. All we can do as mothers is laugh with them.
One of my favorite things to read are Facebook posts from moms who share the things their kids say. Mama, you are not alone.
One thing that is not a laughing matter is running into a friend right after finishing your cup of Starbucks. Coffee breath is no laughing matter. Which is why it is also important to always have…
Gum or Breath Mints
When you’re sitting in church, shoulder-to-shoulder with the person next to you, and they offer you their Altoids tray, take the hint. Sure, they may have just popped on in their mouth and be making a friendly gesture. But the likelihood is that they are politely telling you that your breath stinks.
If you had your own breath mints or gum, they may not have had to share yours.
Second scenario: Your twelve-year-old daughter has beat her brothers to the front seat for the ride to school. She loves music, so she’s singing along with Adele. That’s when you realize she forgot to brush her teeth, so you crack the window just a bit, hoping the fresh air will blow away her bedtime breath. And you offer her the mint you wisely keep in your purse.
Alongside your…
Emergency Needs Bag
Mine is a blue makeup case that I think I’ve had since … college? (That’s a long time. I may need to consider getting a new one soon!)
Inside, I have:
Nail clippers, Nail file, Tweezers, Handi-wipe, Bandaids, Sanitary Supplies (one), Hand sanitizer, Lotion, Travel-sized deodorant, Lip balm, Eyeglass repair kit, Tylenol (acetaminophen), Advil (ibuprofen), Tums (or Rolaids – any antacid will do), Dramamine (for motion sickness), and Pamprin (for period pain).
(Okay. In this photo, my hand sanitizer and lotion are missing, because they’re in another pocket of my purse.)
My kids come down with headaches all the time when we’re out. With all the crazy flu and Coronavirus happenings, hand sanitizer is a must. My adopted daughter is always asking if I have my lotion with me. And I need it after washing my hands constantly, anyway. I’ve learned from experience that keeping the items listed above with me while running errands is a necessity.
So is entertainment.
When your child has read the same book or played with the same toy at the doctor’s office waiting room the last twenty times you’ve visited there, you’ll want a backup plan to keep them entertained while you wait your turn for your appointment.
When you have to make that three-hour shopping trip and have no one to watch your kid, having games on your phone can keep him entertained (and distracted from all those things he may otherwise beg for).
And when you’re waiting thirty minutes in car line for school to let out, it’s always nice to be able to read (or do one of these other twenty-nine things).
Finally, don’t forget your Resolve.
It’s really easy to give in to a kid who keeps asking for that Star Wars Lego set. Believe me, I know.
After taking four kids shopping with me every weekend for thirteen years, I realized they’d all have a college savings fund or enough to pay for their first apartment for an entire year if I hadn’t broken down and bought them a toy or treat every time we went to the store. Now, before you judge me, I didn’t buy them something every single time we went shopping.
Resolve is always a choice. Do you buy the toy or not? Do you go to the next store or not? Do you head home or take your chances with a screaming kid?
Believe it or not, your child has the superpower of manipulation. If you allow her to use it.
None of us wants to admit we let our kids call the shots. We want others to believe we have everything under control and that we make the decisions. Maybe you do. I congratulate you.
For those of us who tend to cave when we’re tired, frustrated, or just want a day without a struggle with our four year old, I promise you CAN do this. You can call the shots and have children who respond in a positive manner. Who understand that when you’re out shopping or attending school events or visiting the doctor’s office, they are to behave in socially acceptable manners.
You just need to take resolve with you when you walk out your front door. And lay down the law before you even open that door.
Mamas, motherhood requires preparedness. So take successful outings with your children. Make sure you don’t leave home without the essential things you need in order to enjoy your day and your time with your offspring.
by Alycia Morales | May 27, 2020 | Homemaking
When my children were younger and I drove them to and from school, the car line wait in the afternoon could last up to forty-five minutes, depending on when I arrived. I remember sitting there one afternoon and deciding to take out a book and read. It was one of the smartest things I ever did to pass the time waiting for the final bell to ring and my kids to be dismissed. I think I read ten books that school year.
And that was the beginning of my journey into becoming a writer.
Don’t let your time sitting in the school car line go wasted. There is plenty you can do to pass the time that can help your career. Or you can use that time for some self care.
30 Productive Things Moms Can Do While Waiting In the School Car Line
Self Care:
1. Drink a cup of your favorite (Starbucks, tea, soda, water…) and call a friend.
2. Scroll Pinterest and save some recipes you’d like to try, a craft you’d like to learn to do, or home decor for that room you’re dying to redecorate or renovate.
3. Read a book. If you’ve recently finished one, leave a review on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Goodreads.
4. Color. Stash an adult coloring book and set of colored pencils in your car’s console and pull them out for some down time.
5. Get yourself a wellness or self-care journal and spend time in it while you are waiting.
6. Close your eyes and take a power nap, if you know you’re going to be waiting a while before having to move forward. For instance, if you’ve arrived an hour early so you could be at the front of the line and you now have thirty minutes until the bell rings.
7. Do a brain dump. Let all the stress out by writing down everything you can possibly think of. The fight you had with your husband. The list of things you have to do when you get home. The dreams you’ve wanted to pursue for years but haven’t had the time to think about. Write it all down.
Plan Ahead:
8. Create a bucket list of things you’d like to do with the kids over summer vacation. You can use a notebook, bullet journal, or planner. Once your list is complete, use a page for each item and note cost, supplies needed, dates, etc. so you can prepare to complete them ahead of time.
9. Fill in your calendar for the next two weeks. Don’t forget to note birthdays and holidays and celebrations coming soon.
10. Make a list of all the spring (or summer or fall or winter) cleaning you need to do and designate family members to help with (or do) each item. Make another list of cleaning supplies you’ll need to purchase before you start. You can also create a cleaning playlist on YouTube. We started this one back in 2018 and add to it when we have family cleaning days.
Clean Your Online Closets
11. Clean out your email inboxes: delete messages you no longer need or won’t read, file (move) emails you’ve already read and need to save, and read and respond to the others.
12. Clear out Facebook Messenger. In the Messenger app, you can go into your list of messages, slide a single message to the left, and select to either hide, ignore, or delete the message. I hide the ones I need to keep but don’t want to see. I delete the ones I no longer need or that are junk (like “Wave at your Facebook friend” or “You are now connected”). Respond to those that need responses.
13. Go through your blog posts in your blogging dashboard and delete the drafts you don’t intend to finish writing. Clean out the images in your WordPress media library that are no longer relevant to your blog design or your posts.
14. Organize your Dropbox files. Delete the ones you no longer need.
15. Check on your Pinterest pins. See if any links have been deemed bad and delete those from your sections and boards. Work on reorganizing your boards if you wish to or need to.
16. Check your contacts in email and on your phone. Delete the ones that you no longer need or that are duplicates. I realized the other day that I still have utility companies’ contact information stored in my cloud from three residences ago. And when I got my new phone and downloaded my apps and contacts from the cloud, several of my contacts duplicated.
Work
17. Make the phone call you know won’t last longer than your wait in the car line.
18. Record the video you’ve been meaning to but haven’t found a moment of quiet to get it done.
19. Write a blog post or a chapter of your book.
20. Schedule social media and Pinterest posts for the next day or week.
21. Write down your goals for the next month and the steps to achieve them.
22. Brainstorm for that project you’re in the middle of, stuck on, or have coming up.
Socialize
23. Talk to the mom ahead of or behind you.
24. Scroll Facebook and comment on 10 posts. Remember to leave meaningful comments instead of just writing “That looks like fun” or “Beautiful” or “I’m praying.”
25. Visit your favorite Facebook groups and catch up on posts. Comment on 10 posts. Share something valuable with the entire group by leaving a post.
26. Scroll Instagram and spread some love on someone’s feed. Favorite at least 5 of one person’s photos. Leave a comment on your favorite.
27. Post a story to your Facebook or Instagram feed. Let people know what life as a mom in car line is really like.
28. Create a TikTok that will resonate with other mamas who spend hours waiting on their kids throughout their lifetime.
29. Share a list of your favorite Instagram accounts with your followers by either creating a post or a story that highlights them.
30. Visit the Life in the MotherShip Facebook group. If you’ve already joined us, find a post you can add value to and leave a comment with a helpful suggestion for the other mamas following it. If you haven’t joined us yet, request membership. Be sure to fill out the questions so I can get to know a little about you!
BONUS: Clean the car.
I would occasionally use the time to throw all the trash into a plastic grocery bag that I could toss in the trash can on our way into the house when we got home. Other days, I’d pull out the Windex or Lysol wipes I kept in the car and wipe down the dashboard and consoles, clean the windows, or clean up the latest mess the kids left in the back seat compartments. You can always hit the car wash on the way home, as well!
I spent hours upon hours waiting in car lines throughout the years. Some days, I still do, since I have two in high school who don’t always ride the bus. When I realized how much I could accomplish in those times of peace and quiet, I got so much done! I hope you’ve found my suggestions helpful too.
If you have something you love to do during long waits in car lines, we’d love to hear from you! Please comment below!
by Alycia Morales | May 27, 2020 | Creativity, Faith, Fun
This post contains affiliate links. If you click through the link and make a purchase, I will receive a small compensation for sharing my link with you. This will in no way affect your purchase price. Thank you for helping me afford to keep Life in the MotherShip running!
Have you ever been searching for a verse in the Bible and you just can’t seem to find it, no matter how many keywords you try? That can be so aggravating, especially if you need to share it with someone in that moment.
There are several ways you can find Bible verses when you need them.
You can use YouVersion (an app) or Google to search for the verse you’re trying to remember word for word. You can flip through your physical Bible, hoping that the highlight you made or the note you took stands out. Or, you could ask a friend or family member if they remember where the verse is.
All of these are legitimate ways to find that verse you’re looking for in your Bible.
But I know a few ways to find Bible verses fast.
Oftentimes, we end up looking for verses that we use often or are favorites. They’re the ones that bring us comfort when we’re sad. That lift us up when we’re down. These are the scriptures that we think of when we’re in particular situations or that we share with friends when they need advice. They’re life verses. Ones we can apply to every day circumstances.
The following are creative ways to find scriptures quickly:
1. Write verses on index cards.
You can be as creative as you want when doing this – or not creative at all.
Buy a package of lined or blank index cards. On the lined side of the card, write out the verse that you wish to be able to find easily. Write down the address of the verse. Punch a hole in the index card, and add it to a loose leaf binder ring.
Ideas for the back of the index card:
- Use it to keep track of prayer requests you’ve received. Pray the verse on your card over those people.
- Write a prayer for someone you love or for something you’d like to request of God. When He answers, add that date to the card.
- Write down why that verse is so important to you, what it means to you.
- Write down the revelation God revealed to you about that Scripture.
If you want to get creative, you can use the back of the index card as a place to scrapbook or Bible journal or paint or use any other creative outlet to decorate the blank side.
2. Write them in a Happy Planner Memo Book.
These mini Happy Planner notebooks are the perfect size to carry wherever you go. And their plastic covers will help protect the contents from accidental spills or rainy days.
Just like with the index cards, you can either just write the verses in the pages, or you can get creative. I added stickers to my pages in the photo below. (The pink background with white dots is the inside of the cover of the Happy Planner Memo Book featured in this post. Not washi tape. 😉 )
If you are not a fan of Happy Planners, you can always use a mini composition notebook for the same purpose. And if you’re creative, you can decorate the composition book covers and pages, as well!
3. Store your go-to verses in Favorites on your Bible app on your phone.
I use Bible Gateway. Here is how to store your favorite verses in this app:
- Find the verse you want to save in your favorites list.
- Tap on the verse(s) to highlight it (them).
- At the bottom of the screen, tap on the star icon.
The verse or verses should now be listed in your favorites. To see your favorites, click on the menu button at the top left of the screen and select Favorites from the menu that appears on the left of your screen.
Now it is easy to find the Bible verse you were looking for!
4. Create an Instagram feed or a Facebook page and store your verses there.
Maybe you love creating memes or taking photographs. People love to look at pretty pictures. And adding scripture verses to photographs or creative backgrounds online is one way to gain their attention.
It’s also a way to store your favorite go-to Bible verses.
- You can use PicMonkey (my favorite) or Canva as a way to create memes for your posts.
- Once your post is created, upload it to your Instagram or Facebook account.
- Use hashtags to designate what you may use that verse for. For example, if I were using 1 John 3:16-17, I may use:
#salvation
#godlovesme
#jesussaves
My friend Edie Melson makes beautiful Scripture memes and shares them on her Instagram feed @stop2pray.
I have shared several that I’ve created between my Facebook feeds and Instagram accounts.
These are just a few ways you can keep Scriptures that you frequently use so that you can easily find them. It’s important to be able to call up verses when you are struggling with an issue in the middle of your day, your friend is crying on your shoulder and that verse is on the tip of your tongue but you just can’t seem to speak it forth, or your child is battling with depression or self-doubt or self-hatred. Or any other reason you may need God’s Word throughout your day.
Rather than lugging your Bible around, these are convenient and compact ways to travel with God’s Word. They can be contained within your cell phone or can physically fit in your pocket or purse.
Do you know another creative way to search for Bible verses quickly? We’d love to hear your methods in the comments below!
by Alycia Morales | May 4, 2020 | Family, Homemaking
You’ve just had a blowout argument with your husband. Were you right or were you wrong?
Your kids have resorted to fighting with each other all day, and they refuse to listen to you. How do you get them to stop?
You can’t keep up with the laundry, dishes, and mess of your home no matter how hard you try. How on earth do all those Pinterest moms do it?
Who do you turn to when you need help with an issue at home?
Young wives and mothers need mentors.
Motherhood and homemaking don’t come with a manual. At least, not one we would unwrap at a bridal or baby shower. So what are we to do when we face disruptions in our relationships and our home? Where can we find the advice we seek?
We need to find a mentor. An older, wiser woman who we can trust to answer our questions and provide sound advice on all things home related. Why?
This post contains affiliate links. Should you click through one and make a purchase, I may receive some pocket change to apply to my costs for running Life in the MotherShip or to help buy my next cup of Starbucks. But it won’t cost you any extra. Thanks for blessing me!
Here are 7 Reasons Young Homemakers Need a Mentor
1.God says this is a wise thing to do.
Titus 2:1-5 says:
“But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed” (NKJV).
It’s God’s grand idea for young women to have a mentor who can lead them into becoming successful homemakers.
As someone who recognized this at a “young mom” age, I can attest to the value of having a mentor. Keep reading to find out why I highly recommend finding one.
2. We don’t know it all.
As much as we think we do, when we come into marriage and begin our families, we don’t know everything there is to know about being a wife, a mother, and a homemaker. Sure, we have some great ideas and a few preconceived notions on what it will take. But, we tend to base those on our personal experiences and what we learned growing up in our parents’ household. We all had different childhood experiences that will influence our parenting styles.
What we gain by seeking out a mentor is another perspective.
By finding a mentor, you are allowing yourself to gain a fresh perspective on what family looks like. On how relationships work. On what it looks like to be a good parent. A helpful wife. A superb homemaker.
Gina Barto is one of the women I looked to as a young mother and homemaker. She had three lovely girls in their teens, and each of them had a servant’s heart. I always admired how much her girls got along, loved being around each other, and encouraged each other. While my boys were bickering and throwing punches at each other every chance they got, Gina’s girls were examples of what I wished for my sons. So when I had parenting questions, I went to Gina.
3. We don’t need to (and can’t) do life alone.
When I was in my early twenties, I was a bit of a rebel. I lived at home, and I wanted to do things my way, in my time. But my parents wanted me to live by their rules and guidelines. I didn’t like that very much, and when I continued to break their rules, they kicked me out. In that season, my mom went to her knees in prayer for me. But she didn’t do it alone. She turned to two ladies who have helped her through so many things in the years my siblings and I were in our late teens and early twenties.
Those two ladies, Nancy Engelhardt and Joanne Nuzzi, became my mentors when I was a young wife and mother. They have taught me many things about relating with my husband, keeping my marriage strong, raising kids, and seeking the Lord.
We weren’t created to isolate.
To do life alone. To be the mom who doesn’t need help. To be the wife who can handle her own business at home. We need older, wiser women who can help us in times of need. Who have solid marriages and have raised their kids and know a thing or two about doing so.
4. We don’t need to reinvent the wheel.
Motherhood may be new to us, but it isn’t a new thing.
As the saying goes, there’s nothing new under the sun. Motherhood has been around since Adam and Eve had Cain and Abel. There are years of experience in marriage, parenting, and homemaking out there in the world around us.
I’m a DIYer. I like to solve my own problems before seeking help to do so. I’ll even try to come up with my own solutions. Sometimes they work. Sometimes they fail.
What I’ve learned over the years is that there is nothing more valuable than having a real-life mother to ask for help and advice. She doesn’t have to be your real mother, either. I still have my mom – who is fantastic, by the way – to ask for help. I also have my spiritual mothers, as well as my “second” moms. My best friends are great at pointing out my need for a shift in perspective or give me advice, as well.
Who do you have in your life who can guide you through motherhood, being a wife and a homemaker? You don’t have to waste your time trying to do something on your own in a new-to-you fashion. Save time and talk with someone you really know.
5. We need someone to help filter good ideas and find the truth.
The internet was a new thing when my children were infants and toddlers. We didn’t really have access to the online world until my third child was born. So I couldn’t turn to Google or Siri or Alexa. I didn’t have access to Pinterest and blog posts. I couldn’t find help online. I had to find it in person.
Today, we have access to helpful articles about how to keep our homes clean, how to breastfeed and what to do when we can’t produce enough milk. You can read a whole bunch of advice on marriage and how to keep your husband happy. Want to know how to grow plants inside your home? There’s plenty on that too. Right at your fingertips.
So why would you need a mentor? A woman you can meet with and have a cup of coffee? Or tea?
Because she can also help you weed out the good ideas from the bad, as well as the truth about life as a homemaker and the lies. I’m not saying that everything you read online is fake news. Or lies. Or bad information. But there’s so much out there with so many varying opinions, how do you not get overwhelmed when trying to figure out what’s right for you?
That’s where the mentor comes in. I cannot stress enough how important it is to have someone you can talk with in real life.
Relationships are key.
You need someone who can give you a hug when life has you down. Your favorite blogger who lives across the country, who may or may not know your name, isn’t going to be able to do that.
A mentor will.
6. Books are great, but they can’t give you a shoulder to cry on.
Early in my marriage, I had difficulty getting my husband to see my perspective on a variety of issues – especially when it came to his son from his first marriage, my stepson. It didn’t seem to matter how many times I tried to converse with him, to offer my wisdom, to apologize for my mistakes, to get him to understand where I was coming from when I made decisions concerning our household – nothing I did was right.
After living under that for three years, I felt desperately alone and began searching for books and information on stepfamilies. It’s then I came across The Smart Stepfamily by Ron L. Deal. I also found The Smart Stepmom by Ron L. Deal and Laura Petherbridge. While I didn’t agree with everything they said in their books, the majority of it made sense. I could apply it to my own situation.
I still felt alone, though. The key women in my life were not stepmoms.
But they were wives. And they were mothers. When I hit those walls with my husband, I had a shoulder I could cry on. Even though they didn’t fully understand my situation, they still provided sound advice on varying aspects of that situation.
So, even though there are a lot of great books and blogs and Pinterest pins out there for young homemakers and wives and mothers, it’s wise to seek out mentors who can work through your situations at home with you in real life.
7. We need a mediator when issues arise.
When Vic and I were having difficulties in our marriage and I was unable to reason with him one-on-one, I called in backup. There were several evenings when our pastor and his wife would visit after our kids were in bed so that we could discuss everything going on in our relationship and in our home. When he couldn’t see my point of view, Nancy Engelhardt could intervene and let him know when I was absolutely right in what I was presenting. And if I was wrong, Robert Engelhardt could share why my husband was correct in his point of view. Sometimes we both needed a different perspective and an attitude adjustment.
When you have someone who can provide support for your marriage and your home, you are able to clarify the truth and get to the bottom of things before your marriage (and family, as a result) blows up.
It’s not only important for you to have a mentor as a young wife, mother, and homemaker. It’s important for your husband to have a wiser, older man to talk with as well. And if you can find a couple who can work with both of you, like we did, that’s a bonus.
You don’t have to walk this homemaking/wife/motherhood journey alone.
Take the time to consider the women in your life.
Who can you ask questions, seek advice, and share with in this experience? Give her a call today. Let her know what you desire of her. And give her an opportunity to be a blessing in your life.
What questions do you have about having or finding a mentor? Let me know in the comments below! I’d love to hear from you!
