by Alycia Morales | Aug 24, 2019 | Career
After years of creating Pinterest boards for each topic I wanted to pin about, I am so thankful for the creation of sections so that I can now organize my Pinterest boards within the boards themselves.
Right now, I have a total of 83 Pinterest boards. Fifteen of those boards are categories of quotes. Twenty-five are categories of writing. Now, with the sections, I can create one quotes board and have as many sections in that board as my heart desires. As a neat-freak-perfectionist-organizer who has a slight OCD when it comes to things like this, I am rather excited!
So, how does one go about organizing their Pinterest boards?
I’ll show you, as I just organized a few of mine.
I have my Office Space board, which contained office decor ideas, as well as tips for doing business and managing finances. I also have my Mompreneur board, which had a few pins about doing business. What I noticed was that I had two boards with similar content. I wanted to rearrange some of my pins between the boards. Also, I had need of a new board for finances.
The first thing I did was go into my Office Space board and look at my pins. I noticed themes among them: budgeting, saving, taxes, frugal living. So, I started a new board called “Money Matters” and created sections with those titles.
I then began editing my pins (click on the pencil icon on the bottom of your pin) and moving them to the sections within the new board.
When I finished with the Money Matters board, I created new sections in my Mompreneur Boards board and moved pins into them. Then, I decided I didn’t like the title of this board and changed it to Mompreneur Tips.
Now, I am satisfied with these three boards. They are better organized, so people who are following my pins can find certain subjects more easily.
Here is how to create a section within your board on Pinterest:
1. Click into the board you want to create sections for. Then, click on the plus sign under the search bar above your board title.
2. Click “add section.”
3. Type your section title into the “Name” bar.
4. Click “Add.”
5. Begin adding pins to the section, either by editing pins you already have or by clicking on “More Ideas” at the bottom of your section. If you click on any of the pins in “More Ideas” they will be added directly to the section you are working in.
And now you have sections! How does that make you feel? Organized, I hope!
Which of your Pinterest boards is your favorite? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!
by Alycia Morales | Aug 24, 2019 | Health, Parenting
Have you ever wondered if you should limit your child’s use of electronics?
Those of us who are raising teens today grew up in the beginning stages of the electronics era. Atari. Nintendo. Commodore 64. Apple. Video games and home computers were beginning to make their way into the households of the world. Our parents didn’t have to limit our time on these machines, because we still preferred to go outside and hang out face-to-face with our friends. We played Kick the Can and rode our bikes or skateboards.
Those of us who are raising school-aged children saw the influx of XBOX and PlayStation and PCs and more from Nintendo and Apple. Add to that the cell phones, iPods, iPads, and such, and our kids are introduced to electronics at birth.
My Son Turned To Video Games to Help Himself Cope with Bullying
When my son was in middle school, he was traumatically bullied. Made fun of, shoved into lockers bullied. And when he, out of the compassion of his love-others heart stepped between a bully and another child, he punched back as his father had told him to and ended up on in-school suspension, with the bully in the same room.
When I went to the school the next morning, irate with the principal and guidance counselor for a) putting him in the same room with the bully and b) never notifying me that my son was even on in-school suspension, the principal had the audacity to look at me and ask what my son had done to incur the bullying, as if he was to blame for being the victim of some other child’s inability to treat others with respect.
At this point in time, my son withdrew into himself and began using video games as a coping mechanism for his social trauma and fear and anxiety when having to interact with others face-to-face. Video games were a safe social space for him, because he could back out of a game if he felt uncomfortable interacting with someone else. No harm. No foul.
The only problem is that, in time, he became addicted to video games, and his social abilities continued to go down hill. He’s twenty now. In the past several years, we’ve watched him struggle to focus on things like schoolwork and at jobs. He has blown multiple paychecks – entire hundreds-of-dollars-paychecks – on video games and their accoutrements – online. And he started lying to cover up for his wrongdoings.
So, when is it time to limit our children’s use of electronics?
I’d say, as soon as they are old enough to use them.
Most kids spend at least 8 hours a day looking at a screen, while teens spend up to 11 hours a day doing so. The recommended amount? 1 hour for kids 2-5 and 2 hours for 6 and up. A simple Google search of recommended screen time for kids will bring you a lot of answers, all saying the same thing.
Breaking Habits Is Hard
It’s extremely difficult to break teens of the habit of spending vast amounts of time on their electronics, whether they are posting selfies on social media or playing video games against their friends online or scrolling through YouTube videos or watching Netflix. Which is why I wish I’d limited their time – consistently – when they were in kindergarten through third grade.
I know that life gets busy, and sometimes it’s just easier for moms to put on cartoons for the kids while they do the dishes or clean out a closet. I get it. Totally. Because that’s what I did.
The problem is that turned into letting them play video games for three hours plus while I worked on everything that needed to be done in a day – between my writing, editing, cleaning, errands, etc. All the things that pile up. And it hasn’t benefited them at all.
Now, when I try to get them off the video games or their phones or tablets, I have to deal with toddler-like temper tantrums. And when we take away their phone or video game console as a disciplinary measure for their unruly attitude? Oh, watch out! The attitude gets worse for the next twenty-four hours for some of them.
Avoid Having To Break Bad Habits
What I should have done all those years ago was to have my children help me with those household responsibilities, instead of simply modeling them. Granted, we’ve had chores assigned to each of them and required them to maintain those duties throughout the week or month they were assigned for. They weren’t sitting idly by on their games watching me do all the work. But there were plenty of things I could have had them helping with that would have occupied their time and reinforced the need for hard work and an ability to organize well. Things we could have done that would have allowed for face-to-face interaction and conversations, further developing their social skills.
So please, take my advice as you bring up your small children. Limit the screen time. Keep them close to you and have them participate in life.
And for those of you who, like me, waited a few years too many to intervene, it’s not too late. As long as your kids are under your roof, you have the ability to set the rules and to limit that time. And if they refuse to comply? Take the device(s) away. Give them time to rant and rave. And watch as your kid comes back to life before your eyes. It will happen if you will take the time to make it happen.
Have you ever struggled with how much time you allow your children to spend in front of a screen? We’d love to talk! Feel free to leave a comment below.
by Alycia Morales | Aug 8, 2019 | Family, Fun, Parenting, Resources
This post may contain affiliate links, meaning I get a commission if you purchase through my links. There is no additional cost to you. Read the full disclosure here.
When I got married and started having children, I filled my mind with helpful marriage and parenting techniques. I read avidly about the subject, wanting to be the best wife and mother I could. Below, I share the 12 must-have parenting books I recommend adding to your library.
Ever since I was a child, I have been an avid reader. I enjoyed being read to when I was a toddler. The Saggy Baggy Elephant and The Little Engine that Could were two of my favorites. I can remember being in first or second grade, reading Ramona Quimby, Age 8 during free reading time. As I entered middle school and then high school, I read for entertainment. I was never bored. There was always another world out there for me to discover and characters to befriend. Fiction was a passion of mine. And so was writing.
Then I went to college, and while my studies required reading, I no longer read much fiction. I did, however, enjoy the occasional magazine.
While we can learn a lot about life from fiction novels, we can learn so much more from nonfiction books about the topics we’re currently experiencing in life. I believe it’s important to pursue knowledge and to understand relationships by reading what other people have experienced. Parenting books included.
12 Must-Read Parenting Books
“This shepherding process is a richer interaction than telling your child what to do and think. It involves investing your life in your child in open and honest communication that unfolds the meaning and purpose of life.” (p. xxi)
“We, as parents, must first recognize our own natural learning styles. As we recognize how we learn new information, we can better understand what comes naturally to us and our children, and can identify the differences between parents and children that cause frustration and misunderstanding.” (p. 20)
Just as we each have a personality type, so do our children. “Part of being a great parent is understanding and respecting each child’s individuality … so you can best nurture, discipline, and motivate him or her.”
“It’s our job to nurture the nature. Boys need us first to recognize who they are. Then they need the help of wise and committed adults in navigating their way from boyhood to manhood.” (p. xiii)
You may wonder why I have this book on this list. It’s actually written for women. This is what I hope to teach my daughter as she grows into a woman. I want her to know who she is and how God designed her. This isn’t a book teaching about sex. It’s a book teaching about the heart of a woman. It ministered to me in such a way that I highly recommend it not only for you, but for your teen daughters as well.
“Love means giving your teens opportunities to be responsible and empowering them to make their own decisions. Logic means allowing them to live with the natural consequences of their mistakes and showing empathy for the pain, disappointment, and frustration they’ll experience.”
Note: There is also, Parenting with Love & Logic, for those of you who have smaller children.
“Teenagers will test you to see if you, like the lap bar on a roller coaster, will hold. They are testing you and prodding you and pushing you because they need to know, at a time when so many other things are uncertain, that YOU are certain.” (p. 4)
There’s also The Five Love Languages of Children. I highly recommend at least the general Love Languages books. It’s important to recognize that everyone gives and receives love differently. Once you understand how your child receives love, it will be easier to keep their love tank full.
Part of the issue with people today is that we don’t respect one another’s personal boundaries. We invade someone else’s space too often, crossing lines we don’t have a right to cross – whether physically, mentally, or emotionally. There is far too much abuse even within normal families. Think about it: how often does your husband say something that pricks your heart? How often do your kids call one another names or get into fisticuffs? This book helps establish appropriate boundaries within relationships. There’s also Boundaries (for adults) by the same authors.
Have you ever struggled to start a conversation? I do, all the time. This is a great conversation-starting book you can use at the dinner table or in the car on a long trip. Around the campfire on vacation. Includes questions such as: What is the one thing you wish you knew how to do really well? If we had extra money this year, how would you like us to spend it?
Specific prayers you can pray over your child, along with Scripture verses to accompany the topics being prayed. “Being a perfect parent doesn’t matter. Being a praying parent does.”
“The most powerful thing you can do for your child is to pray. Sometimes, the only thing you can do for your child is pray, and that is enough.”
This is a book of prayers from a mother’s heart for her children, secured with Scriptures. It covers a variety of topics. As a child whose mother prayed her home from an abusive relationship during her early 20s, I can attest to how powerful a mother’s prayers can be. I’m thankful for the prayers of my mother, and I highly recommend this book as a tool for you to use as you pray for your own children. While they’re home OR away.
I hope you find some new parenting books in the list above. These are my all-time favorite parenting books from my personal library. I highly recommend them all. Each one has many nuggets of wisdom within their pages.
If you could add a parenting book to the list, which one would you recommend? Let us know why it impacted your parenting so much that you’d recommend it. We can’t wait to hear from you in the comments below!
by Alycia Morales | Jul 31, 2019 | Adoption, Family, Fostering, Stepparenting
“Your heartache is someone else’s hope. If you make it through, someone else is going to make it through. Tell your story.” (Kim McManus)
Each of us has a story to tell. As mothers, we experience heartache after heartache. At the same time, we find hope in one anothers’ stories. If one of us makes it through a trying time, another of us may do the same. We’re encouraged to keep trying. My story has its ups and downs, but they all lead to joy. Because that’s what being a mom is to me: JOY.
The following are just a few glimpses of my life as a mom.
My Story of Motherhood
Abortion:
In 1994, I became pregnant out of wedlock while in college. Against everything I believed to be true, everything inside of me, I had an abortion. This was my first opportunity at motherhood, and I killed it. Literally. It took me a couple of years to heal from the resulting trauma of that decision, and it was only because of Jesus that I was able to forgive myself. This is where my faith testimony begins.
Step-son:
In 1998, I married Victor. I instantly became a mother to Zachary, his son from his first marriage. Zach was four when he and I met, and he was now eight. I learned a lot being a stepmom. Some lessons I learned from parenting Zachary as best I could. Others, I learned from being in that type of family situation.
Zachary is laid back and care-free, for the most part. He feels things deeply and has a tendency to stuff his emotions. At the same time, he’s a sweet kid. Well, adult now.
There are two super important lessons I learned while helping raise him:
1. I had to lower my expectations. Being raised in a home where education was highly valued, I didn’t get away with slacking off. I expected my own children to get straight As and Bs. With Zach, I had to learn that our best effort is what counts. If his best was a C, I could applaud him for that. I let go of a lot of my perfectionist ideals during that season of my life.
2. God sees and knows all. Even when no one else does. I had very few people who understood my situation as a stepmom and the difficulties I was having in my marriage and my parenting and managing my household during that season of my life. Everyone had their “ideas” of what I could or should do in my situation, but no one saw what was going on behind the closed doors of our home. But God … He saw and knew everything. And since He’s who I ultimately answer to, I had to trust that He knew the purity of my heart in all I ever said or did.
Firstborn Son:
In 1999, Vic and I had Ezra. Our firstborn. As new parents of an infant, we had times of joy and times of distress. Parenting, as many of you well know, is a huge learning curve.
Ezra is the kid who keeps us honest. He’s compassionate. He cares deeply about other people. The Lord uses him to convict me more often than not. He makes me a better person.
Miscarriages:
Shortly after Ezra was born, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. During the two-year duration of her illness and subsequent death, I had two miscarriages. I struggled with depression during this time. And my marriage was still a challenge more than a joy.
I learned I had to be strong; strong for myself, for my family, for my husband. Maybe no one else needed me to, but I needed to. I also knew that while I was weak, Jesus was strong. When I am focused on the Lord, I can always do whatever is necessary.
Second-born Son:
Caleb. It was opening day of deer season when he was born. Since the birth went well, I felt confident in sending my husband on to my grandmother’s for his hunting joy. We were heading that way for Thanksgiving, anyway. He took Ezra and went ahead. It was two days later, when we were being discharged, that the hospital staff sprung it on me that my son had been diagnosed as having a hole in his heart.
For the first time in my married life, I felt alone and anxious. Vic was out hunting, and I wasn’t about to tell my grandmother the news. My mom was teaching and wouldn’t be done with work until 3:00 that afternoon. My sister was working. I couldn’t reach anyone.
Fortunately, the pediatric cardiologist was halfway between our house and Grandma’s, so it wouldn’t be an inconvenience to take him there for our scheduled appointment over Thanksgiving break. My mom picked us up from the hospital that evening, and we headed off to Grandma’s.
That night and several after, I slept sitting up with Caleb on my chest, gripped in fear that something would happen to him.
But Caleb is our fighter. Warrior. Conqueror. The one who overcomes. His heart healed by the time he turned four, just as the doctors predicted.
He is the most independent of our children, which I knew from the beginning. He didn’t bond to me as Ezra had, or our youngest two would. Caleb is strong-willed and determined. But he also wants justice for all. An admirable trait. He holds me accountable. If I say I will do something, and something comes up that causes change, he reminds me I need to keep my word. He may not have bonded as I expected, but we do have a solid bond.
Daughter:
Hannah. She and Caleb are what we term “Irish twins.” They were born 13 months apart. She is all girl, and I love having estrogen in a house full of testosterone. She wrapped her daddy around her finger from day one.
When people tell me that it’s easier to raise one sex or the other, I disagree. I have both. They’re equally challenging in many of the same ways. She gets as dirty as the boys. And, she’s a drama queen. Did you know that boys can be just as dramatic?
Hannah is pure of heart. She’s loyal. She loves kindness and doesn’t understand why people have to be so petty toward one another. Hannah is the one who will step between her brothers and mediate. My daughter is my heart.
Third-born Son:
Gideon. He’s the baby of the family and will always be the baby of the family. He’s my sweet-spirited kid who is laid back. I thank God for his disposition, because after raising three challenging kids, he is simple.
By the time I had him, we were not as worried as parents. Since Caleb, Vic no longer worried how long the kids stayed in our room while I nursed them. Gideon loved to sleep in his carseat and then the playpen. He never did take to the bassinet or crib. We didn’t worry about it. The five second rule now applied to everything from binky to snacks.
Fostering:
In 2009, I was watching a Dave Thomas Foundation Christmas program. When one 18-year-old girl talked about how much she wanted a forever family, because she was about to “graduate” out of “the system,” my heart broke. I couldn’t imagine being on my own, all alone, at the young age of 18. With no one to talk to about life and its challenges. Nowhere to go at Thanksgiving, Christmas. No one to walk me down the aisle when I got married. It made me think long and hard. And the desire to at least foster, if not also adopt, began to grow roots in my heart.
In 2016, we began our journey toward becoming licensed foster parents. It took a year and a half. The average time to get a foster license is six months, in case you’re wondering. We had no idea why it took so long.
Until we got our first placement, three days after my birthday in 2018. I call her my birthday gift from God.
Shateka came to us at the age of 17. She’d been in a group home for four years. And she was about to be up for adoption. We’d only fostered her for two months when I knew she was going to be our daughter. She completed our family. She got along with all of her siblings. This girl is a patient, mature, sweet young lady who blesses us as much as we (hopefully) bless her.
Adoption:
In March of 2019, we closed the adoption and Shateka became Victoria Morales. You’ll be able to read more about our foster/adoption journey in other posts.
Important to Note:
While my husband and I don’t always agree on everything, and there are seasons when we really like each other and seasons when there’s plenty of tension between us, we’ve made our marriage a priority and done the hard work necessary to honor our covenant. Love is not an emotion we base our marriage on. It’s a covenant vow tied with the choice to love someone, even at their worst. We continue to love one another, and our relationship is far stronger now than it was five years into it. Our love story continues.
These are obviously just bits and pieces of my story about becoming a mother. There is so much more to motherhood than the basics I had time to share here. I wanted to let you know that I have experience in many forms of motherhood, and there are plenty of stories to tell.
What I’d love to know is your story. Who do you have the privilege of mothering? Are you a military mom? Stepmom? Foster mom? A single mom? We all have a story to tell. I’d love to hear yours! Feel free to drop a comment below and let us know a little about your motherhood story.
by Alycia Morales | Jul 29, 2019 | Family, Parenting
Seasons come and go in life. We all know that. But what we may not realize as young mothers is how we will experience the seasons of life our children will go through and the seasons we’ll go through as we raise them.
There are a few key things I’ve learned throughout the seasons of my children’s lives and motherhood:
- Don’t look for the next season. Enjoy the now season. Because each of the seasons will pass sooner than you realize.
- Every experience is an opportunity to learn, and your kids will teach you more than you think.
- Time passes faster than you can imagine. Don’t blink. You might miss it.
- The journey is long and hard. It’s worth every step along the way.
The Infant Season:
When I was a mother of infants, I marveled at the tiny beings entrusted to my care. Despite the sleepless nights and incessant nursing, I cherished the infant stage. There’s so much they are discovering and there are so many milestones they will reach in that first year or two of life. I loved midnight snuggles in the rocking chair. The smell of a baby fresh from a bath. Coos and giggles as they learned to make sounds.
How they looked at me. As if I was the only one who mattered in the world. With trust. Knowing they were safe in my arms.
Those first steps. First words. And the joy of life when someone doesn’t have a care in the world except to be fed, cleaned, or sleep.
And then, they turn two.
The Toddler Season:
Ah, the world of exploration. And potty training.
This new season brings the joy of repeating yourself at least twenty-one times a day. “Don’t touch that.” “No.” “What did Mommy tell you?” (Oh, did I forget to mention referring to yourself in third person?) This season is full of learning new things and exploring boundaries.
Many have used the term “terrible twos.” Take it from one who has experience (five times over). It’s not the “terrible twos.” The terribles hit at the age of four. When they have a clue that they can manipulate any adult human with one look.
At this stage, it becomes:
Temper tantrums in Walmart. Buying toys they will play with a handful of times or fewer because you want to appease them instead of listen to them cry. Leaving a basket full of groceries while you take them to the car for disciplinary action so the rest of Walmart doesn’t have to listen to them scream while you finish shopping. Teaching them meaningful lessons that you pray they will understand sooner than later. Because it feels like you’ve been teaching them the same lesson for a lifetime. Yes. Welcome to the toddler season of life.
While there are many tests and trials of patience during this season, there are many joys in it, as well. They are still snuggly, even as they push you away so they can try to do something themselves. They can feed themselves if you don’t mind cleaning up a mess or two and keep a close eye on them for choking hazards. And they do things like pooping behind a closed bedroom door, leaving a “surprise!” for Mommy to find after naptime. (I liken it to your pet bringing you a snake or a bird or a mouse and leaving it on your door mat as a love offering.) I promise you’ll still be laughing about that into their adulthood.
Rest assured, five is coming.
The Childhood Season (Ages 5-10):
This is another one of the fun seasons. This is the season where the lightbulb comes on, and you can clearly see it do so, because their eyes light up. It’s the season where they start grasping the lessons you’ve been drilling into them for the past two to three years. They start to realize that life doesn’t revolve around them. There’s a whole new world out there, and they’re ready to explore it!
First days of school. Childhood friends. Sunday school lessons. They begin to know how to relate to you and others around them.
They can now do more chores. Clean their rooms. Help with the dishes. Sweeping and mopping. Make their beds. Fold and put away clothes.
They want to spend time with Mom and Dad. Doing things. Learning from us. Experiencing life and developing talents and discovering their likes and dislikes.
And they still need Mom. My youngest son didn’t stop hugging me each time I dropped him off to school until he was in seventh grade. It’s nice to still be needed as they get that mature.
Because then they become pre-teens. And the season start passing faster and faster.
The Pre-teen or “Tween” Season (11-12):
This is when you don’t want to blink. This season goes by too quickly, but not quickly enough. Middle school (6th-8th grade, in most states), is the age of the rebel. This is the time in a teen’s life when they dive inward. It’s a time for self-discovery. And for most parents, it’s scary.
I can attest that it’s no easier for boys than it is for girls. I have both. While girls are worrying about their body shape and boys and the drama of friendships, the boys are worrying about their body shape and girls and the drama of friendship.
They also want to separate themselves from their mothers. It’s not cool to kiss your mom on her cheek when she drops you out of the car line onto the school curb. Nope. See ya later, Mom. (You’re not Mommy anymore.)
It’s hard to watch our kids pull away from our nurturing selves. But it’s even harder if we try to hold on for dear life. This is a season of building trust – on both our part and our kids’ parts.
Don’t blink. Because before you know it, they are going to be out on their own.
The Teen Season (13-19):
They say we become adults when we hit the age of 18, but I don’t buy it. Oh, when I was 18, I wanted it to be true. But in hindsight, I know now that true adulthood doesn’t start until the mid-20s. We still need our parents as we navigate high school and college and entering the workforce, getting married, and having our own kids. These seasons are ones we cannot (and should not have to) face alone.
Don’t let your kids fool you when they start to pretend to be adults. These are the people who know it all. And they will argue that they know what they’re talking about until you’re blue in the face, even though you know they don’t have a clue.
But other than that – and the occasional rebellion – and the occasional yelling-in-your-face-and-maybe-I’ll-punch-you-for-emphasis bout – this is a great season for moms to enjoy their kids.
This is a season of accomplishment or great failure.
It’s a time when we get to step up to the encourager plate and go to bat for our kids. We get to watch them go through trial and error after trial and error until they realize that they can’t keep doing the same thing over and over and over and expect a different result. No. They have to experience life for themselves and learn the lessons of consequences for their actions and words. Rather than insert ourselves in the middle of it and try to make it all right, we get to stand on the sideline and coach them through it.
I love living with my teenagers. I have five of them right now. All under one roof. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Because before I know it, they’re going to be flying the coop. (Two will be leaving shortly.)
And I’m going to be free to do whatever I please, when I please. And no one will be eating my hidden stash of (fill in the blank). Oh! And I may be able to find a AA battery when I need it – in the pack I bought instead of a video game controller.
The Season of the Empty Nest:
Is our nest ever truly empty? Yes, our kids grow up and move out and start their own adult lives. But they typically come back, don’t they?
There are times my husband and I have had to live with my parents because our housing situation came to a sudden end. I would imagine there may be some emergency in my childrens’ adult lives that may require me to open a bedroom in my home to them again for a short season.
And there’s always the grandkids and the great-grandkids. The neighbor’s kids. And the church kids. Also, the opportunity to foster or adopt. Do we ever truly not mother? I say no. Once a mother, always a mother. Regardless of the season you or your kids may be in.
So, which of the seasons of motherhood is your favorite? I’d say mine are the infant and teen years. I’d love to hear yours in the comments below!
