Cleaning up after four-plus kids on a regular basis and micro-managing their lives from sunup to sundown and beyond can be exhausting for Mama. Many times, dads will come home from work, tired from their day, and plop down on the couch for some R&R, rather than taking the time to help with the kids. While there’s nothing essentially wrong with this, mama is oftentimes left with the responsibility of taking care of the children’s needs throughout the remainder of the evening. Whether she is home with the kids all day or works her own full- or part-time job, this leaves her exhausted physically, emotionally, and mentally. Mama needs time to take care of herself, too.

If you are a dad reading this post, please know that your wife would seriously love some time with you. But if she’s exhausted, all she’s going to want to do is go to sleep.

If you are a mama reading this post, please know that there are some ways you can encourage dad to help with the kids so you can spend that much-desired time with your hubby without needing to go to sleep when you put your kids to bed.

Also, if you are a dad (or have a husband) who helps out around the house and with the kids on a regular basis, we applaud you. You’re a keeper, for sure! I do acknowledge, as the author of this post, that those dads do exist.

8 Practical Ways Dad Can Help with the Kids

1. Acknowledge the household schedule.

Mamas and children get into a rhythm, because they are home together while dad is out working. If mom is out working too, she may be the parent who comes home and does the nightly routine with the kids. When dad interrupts the rhythm, it throws off the entire family dynamic established by the routine. It’s not that dad isn’t welcome in the rhythm. Chances are, mama would love for dad to be a part. It’s that they don’t acknowledge it exists and insist on doing things their way instead of what mom has established with the kids. This can damage relationships and tear down mom’s authority.

Rather than interrupt the rhythm, dad can ask mom what the daily routine is and get on board with upholding that routine. Kids do far better with routine than they do without.

2. Take one daily household chore off mom’s to-do list.

There are several daily tasks that must happen to keep the household functioning smoothly. Dishes. Trash. Laundry. Sweeping the floors. Cooking. These are just a few.

Granted, when kids are old enough to safely do these things, these chores can become theirs instead of mom’s. But until then, it can be a blessing to mom to have dad take over one or more of these chores. Especially if mom’s love language is acts of service.

Consider what dad is good at, and have him do that.

My husband is better at cooking than I am, and he enjoys it. I don’t. So having him cook dinner when he gets home would bless me more than anything else he could do around the house. It would relieve my stress, give me a break from the kitchen, and allow me the time to get the laundry done (which I don’t mind doing).

Some benefits to this action are:

• kids observe dad helping mom, learning that helping one another is valued in your home
• mom and dad are both finished with chores at the same time, allowing both time with one another
• dad can help teach kids different chores, rather than mom doing all the teaching
• many hands make light work

3. Do the things that men do, and train your sons to do them.

We recently had a discussion with our couples’ small group about the roles of men and women in a marital relationship. We weren’t talking about the typical roles of sexes when it comes to household chores and responsibilities. We were focused on relational roles. “Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church” type roles. That’s not what I want to talk about here. That topic is far too deep for one blog post.

Here, I want to talk about roles in regard to household responsibilities.

Some mamas, like me, are what my husband calls “low maintenance.” We’re the DIYers. The ones who can pick up a level, hammer, and nails and hang artwork on the wall. The ones who can fire up the grill and cook a steak dinner. Who can change a tire, or at least check the oil and put some in when it’s low. Even us low maintenance mamas appreciate the husband who does these things, despite the fact that we can do them, just because he wants to relieve us of that task.

And while you’re doing them, teach your sons how to do them so that when they grow up into fine young men and get married, they will already be in the habit of doing them for their wives.

4. Spend time with the kids in the evening.

One of the best pieces of marriage and parenting advice given us was for Vic to help with the kids when he got home from work.

There are several things dads can do to remove some of the burdens of the evening routine from mom’s shoulders:

• give the kids their baths
• spend 30 minutes playing with them
• read their bedtime stories, pray, and tuck them in (spiritual leadership)
• be the parent who returns wayward kids to their beds when they have 50 excuses why they can’t sleep
• help them organize their necessities for the next day (clothes, backpack, shoes, school notes, etc.)

Doing this gives mom a break and allows her to focus her attentions on other things that need doing, such as cooking dinner, cleaning up after dinner, or preparing for the next morning’s routine.

Speaking of giving mom a break…

5. Give Mom a night off.

One thing Vic was really good at when our kids were school aged (I’m talking 6-10) was noticing when I just needed a break. He would come home from work, take one look at me, and suggest I take my laptop and go to Starbucks or the book store. He recognized my need for a break from the children, time away from the house, and rest.

The type of rest mama needs can come in many forms:

• coffee & conversation with a friend or mom or sister
• a night alone, uninterrupted, in the bedroom (until dad comes to bed, of course)
• a couple of hours to wander to her favorite places
• a trip to the spa
• a massage
• the opportunity to go shopping without the kids
• a bubble bath
• a nap
• time to shave her legs

Whatever type of rest mama prefers, when dad provides this for her, she returns refreshed and ready to pour into the family again. Mom grumpy? Give her a break.

6. Share driving responsibilities.

Kids have so many places they need to go. Play dates. Doctor’s appointments. Hair cuts. Football practice. Baseball games. Theater rehearsals. Tests. Work. The list is endless, or at least it seems so. Until they get their driver’s license, it’s on mom and dad to make sure they get where they need to go, when they need to be there, and picked up again.

One way dad can ease mom’s busy schedule is to help with these responsibilities. Kid getting out of work the same time as dad? Dad can pick him up on his way home so mom doesn’t have to make that trip. One parent can drop off in car line in the morning, while the other picks up after football practice. Schedule a day once every quarter that dad can take off work to take kids to regular appointments with doctors, dentists, and hairstylists/barbers. Take a look at your schedules and discover what will work. Then, make it happen.

7. Recognize the importance of knowing your kids and their “stuff.”

“But I do know my kid.” I can hear the dads now. My own husband would say that, as well (and has). And maybe you do…

My only point here is that if mom is spending more time with the kids than you, the likelihood is that she knows more about them than you do. One sign this is true is if they tend to go to her with everything before coming to you.

To discover if you know your kids as well as you feel you do, here are a few questions you can ask:

• Do you know all of their birthdates?
• Do you know their social security numbers (or at least have them written down and accessible to you)?
• Do you know where their doctor’s office is located? Who their pediatrician is?
• Do you know their health issues? Have you been to an appointment with them in the past year?
• Do you know what they want to do when they graduate from high school?
• Have you checked their phones within the past month so you can see who they are communicating with and what they’re talking with their friends about? (You have every parental right to invade their privacy in the name of keeping them safe.)
• What’s your child’s favorite food?
• Who’s the last kid who came over to visit any one of your own children?

These are just a few things mamas know about their children and do with them on a regular basis. Let’s say something tragic happens to mom. She gets sick and is unable to provide for the kids for a season. Or worse, she dies. Do you have the ability to pick up where she leaves off in the care of your children? That’s my point.

8. Take night duty.

Kids of every age have something that keeps parents up at night.

• Infants need to nurse and have their diaper changed.
• Toddlers don’t like to go to bed or struggle sleeping alone.
• Young children also don’t like to go to bed, have night terrors, and have 50 excuses to not stay in bed.
• Teens push boundaries and want to stay up past scheduled lights out. Game consoles are tempting after dark.
• Even young adults like pulling all-nighters, hanging with online “friends” until 3 a.m.

Dad can help with the kids by alternating night duty with mom, allowing both of them the opportunity to get the much-needed rest they both need and deserve.

Mama, having dad help with the kids in these ways will give you the break you desperately need so you can continue pouring your heart and soul into your family. Dad, helping mom with the kids in these ways will build the relationship and develop the connection you desire with your wife and kids. These are practical ways to deepen relationship, smoothly run your household, set boundaries with your children, and make your marriage more 100/100 than 50/50.

Have you found one of these tips helpful? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below!