Marriage, like any relationship, takes hard work. It’s really easy to say you love someone. It’s a lot harder to do it. Because love is an action – a verb. Not a feeling or emotion. It’s something we choose to do regardless of the circumstances we find ourselves in.

Know What You’re Getting Yourself Into

As little girls, we watch all the princess movies that end with happily ever after, and we think that’s what being married is going to be like. A dream come true. Someone should make a princess movie that shows beyond the glorious wedding day, when the happy couple has their first disagreement.

If you’re going to get married, whether for the first time or a second or more time, be sure you’re ready and willing to put in a lot of hard work to make it last. Because hard work is what it takes.

Be sure you know your boyfriend well enough before you accept that proposal, because it allows you the option to back out before “I do.” Which will save you heartache, disappointment, time, and money. Do your research. Make sure ahead of time that he isn’t abusive, addicted to pornography, a cheater, etc. And trust your parents, pastors, mentors, and friends if they tell you their gut says something is off.

If you’re already married, “divorce” should not be in your vocabulary. I believe that too many give up on their spouses these days. Instead of working through the issues, we get a divorce. Instead of trying to better ourselves in our relationships and pray our husbands catch on, we take the easy way out, claiming irreconcilable differences.

Refuse to become another statistic.

Did you know that the divorce rate among Christians is just as high as the divorce rate among those who aren’t?

Here’s a real simple concept: If you’re not willing to work hard to make a marriage work, don’t get married in the first place.

Marriage is never easy. We have to be willing to work at it.

I’ve been married 21 years this October (2019). The first five years of my marriage were hell as we adjusted to step-family life. The next five were a little better but still involved a lot of disagreement and many arguments. While it’s gotten better with every year, it’s only been the past few months that it’s really started to feel like we’re walking in unity and understanding.

Honestly, by February of 2019, I wanted to walk away. I’d been doing all I knew to do to try to understand my husband and what honoring him looked like. And I wasn’t doing it alone. I’d sought wise counsel for the issues we were having in our marriage and our family life. What he discovered just as I was about to ask her if I should separate myself from him was that he’d been operating in a spirit of offense for the past 20-plus years. That repentant moment changed our entire relationship.

The point? Twenty years of hard work in a difficult marriage paid off in one brief moment in time. Change can happen. Your rocky relationship could become an overnight success. You just have to have the dedication to see it through.

How do we do the hard work to make a marriage last?

Be sure you’re willing to stand firm when life throws boulders your way, because it always does.

Persevere through storms and sicknesses and famines, because they will happen.

Be willing to lay down your great ideas when your spouse doesn’t see things the same way. Sometimes we have to admit they may have something better than us and yield to that knowledge.

Lay down your OCD tendencies that drive you to need a clean house, because someone’s socks will always be on the floor. One foot from the laundry basket.

Trust God when your spouse just can’t see you for the brilliant person you are or wants to hold something against you that you know is causing deceit to creep into his heart and/or thoughts. God sees all and knows all. Rest in His love when your spouse is unlikable.

Be sure you’re willing to sacrifice, because there will always be something to sacrifice.

Listen and understand, because there will always be miscommunication.

Forgive and forget, because it’s easy to hold a grudge until your list is longer than Santa’s.

Let the fiery darts bounce off, because it’s easy to take harsh words into your heart and allow them to affect your identity and your attitude.

Be the bigger person, because it’s easy to want to win the fight. And when one of you wins, neither of you wins.

Apologize when you realize you were in the wrong. Saying your sorry can soften a husband’s heart toward you. And admitting mistakes opens the door for them to admit their own.

Stay when you want to go. Because it’s easy to leave. But it’s much harder to rebuild your broken life. And, if you give it enough time, it may change overnight. Just like my relationship with Victor did.

Note: I don’t condone abuse.

If you find yourself in an emotionally abusive relationship, seek counsel. If you find yourself in physical or sexual harm, separate immediately and get the help you and your spouse need. I never recommend staying with someone who is hurting you and threatening your health and/or life.

If you’re in a marriage that isn’t abusive and you’ve found yourself tired of the daily “crap” life throws your way, don’t you dare walk out. It always takes work to make it “ever after.” And happily ever after is possible. Dare to dream. Then do whatever it takes to make the dream come true.

What is one thing you wish you knew about marriage before you said “I do”? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below!