Are you trying to decide if you are ready to have a baby? If you’re ready for all the responsibilities that come with bringing a child into this world?

The Dream of Being a Mother

Most girls dream of the day they will fall in love, get married, and have children of their own. At three, we carry around baby dolls and pretend to feed them bottles. At ten, we’re playing house with our friends. By twelve, Barbie is making out with Ken. And along comes our high school crush, our first boyfriend, and eventually, our husband.

Maybe we end up having a teen pregnancy. Maybe we wait until we’re married before consummating our relationship. Either way, we begin having babies and growing our families.

I am a mother of six. I have an adult stepson, four bio kids who are now teens and young adults, and one adopted daughter who is a young adult. When I was considering marriage and raising a family, I hoped I’d have two kids. One boy. One girl. Twins. Done.

But God had other plans! And I am grateful for the many blessings each of my children – all six of them – have brought into my life.

Recently, I’ve been thinking how much I wish I could have the house all to myself. Or to myself with my husband. When we got married, Zachary was already eight. So I had a child from the start of my marriage. Which means I never had the honeymoon season where my husband and I had time to get to know each other on a more intimate level without any kids in the house. To travel together and explore the world. To be able to afford some of the luxuries of life. And I admittedly look forward to having that season as our kids move out of our home in the years to come.

Are You Ready to Have a Baby?

All of this got me thinking about my readers. Especially my younger readers.

How do we know if we’d make good parents? How do we know if we’re even ready to have a baby – to raise kids of our own? How do we know we even want kids?

These are all very valid questions to consider. Important questions to consider.

To help you out, I’ve come up with a list of 35 questions to ask yourself before you decide to have a baby.

(Keep in mind that babies grow up. They don’t stay little forever.)

Let’s jump in!

1. Do you love your husband enough to consistently put him first, even when your kids will vie for your attention?
2. Will you be able to survive on interrupted sleep?
3. Can you handle people tugging on you, hugging on you, jumping on you, and spitting up, throwing up, or peeing on you – and occasionally smacking, biting, kicking, or punching you?
4. Do you like to be around other people 24 hours, 7 days a week?
5. Do you like having to give of yourself all day, every day, for the rest of your life?
6. Do you like to have company in the bathroom?
7. Do you like to be interrupted consistently throughout the day with every problem or felt need or whim under the sun?
8. Do you like going places with tag-alongs who have a difficult time with the word no?
9. Will you be able to handle having someone touching your boobs in public with an announcement of “Boob!” yelled at the top of their little lungs for everyone to hear?
10. Will you be able to remove your screaming child from the store, church auditorium, movie theater, or any public place when they start to throw a temper tantrum so as not to disturb the general public?
11. Will you be able to shrug off the eye rolls and stares as the general public watches every move you make and listens to every word you say concerning your child while you are in public places? (Some may come up to you and provide their helpful advice, as well.)
12. Will you be able to stand back as your own parent or your in-laws take over your current parenting task and do it for you?
13. Do you enjoy answering the question, “Why?” or “Why not?”
14. Do you enjoy cooking more than one meal for dinner?
15. Are you okay with constant noise?
16. How are you at breaking up fights?
17. Will you enjoy having 25 jobs but only getting paid for – maybe – one?
18. Are you prepared to have to participate in school activities, such as the PTA or being a band mom or helping out with a sports team?
19. Do you like to drive?
20. Are you good at Math and English?
21. Are you a great encourager?
22. How are you with blood and broken bones?
23. Do you like sharing everything you own?
24. Are you prepared to spend every nickle you earn because someone needs new sneakers, a dress outfit for the concert, snacks for the class, or fees for school courses and activities?
25. Do you like animals or birds or reptiles?
26. Do you know how to find a kid who’s gone missing or decided to run away from home?
27. Do you like repeating yourself over and over and over for 20 years, hoping someone will catch on?
28. Do you enjoy being told by those you’ve poured every ounce of yourself into that you’re mean? That they hate you? That they can’t wait to leave your home?
29. Are you willing to help direct someone else’s life for 25 years?
30. How’s your prayer life?
31. How well do you handle heartbreak?
32. How well do  you handle mood swings?
33. Do you like having a clean house?
34. How well are you at telling if someone is being deceptive?
35. Do you remember what it was like to be a kid?

Maybe you’ve read these questions and they’ve made you laugh. Maybe you’ve read them and they’ve scared you to death. Maybe you’ve read them and wondered, “Why all the negativity? Surely this isn’t all there is to motherhood?” (You’d be right. It isn’t.)

Motherhood comes with many, many blessings.

But, like mood swings, motherhood is a series of ups and downs. And you never know when an up is going to happen or when a down is going to come along. Usually, it’s daily. Daily blessings. Daily struggles. Daily joy. Daily heartache. Daily highs. Daily lows.

Which is why I asked the questions I did.

Being a mom is a selfless, lifelong responsibility.

When I was in my early twenties and married Victor, I couldn’t wait to have a baby. I was so prepared for motherhood. Then six kids came along over a period of twenty years. Over those twenty years, I have discovered that motherhood comes with a huge learning curve. Every day I am challenged with something new. Every day I am faced with the decision to get out of bed and embrace life with its ups and downs multiplied by eight (mine, my husband’s, and six kids’ worth). Because as mom, I have to be incredibly selfless. My life hasn’t been my own since I said, “I do.”

And that’s the ultimate choice that you have to make before you have a baby. Can you live selflessly every day of your life for the remainder of it? If not, don’t have children. Take every precaution not to get pregnant. Abortion is not something I would ever support or recommend. And our foster care system is overflowing with children whose parents decided they didn’t want the responsibility of raising kids.

But what if you decided too late that you wanted to have a baby?

Your biological clock has ticked past that time in your life? Adoption doesn’t have to be expensive. It’s not too late. There are plenty of children out there who would love to have a mom and a dad. Consider giving one of them (or multiples) a family. A forever home.

Have these questions helped you make a wise decision about whether or not you’re ready to have a baby? Have you mothers experienced these ups and downs of raising kids? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!